Hey girl hey. I’m writing you because I know you and I have had some times together–good times, bad times, and everything in-between. There have been times I’ve filled you with delicious things to eat, kind words, and celebrations of strength. There have been moments of anger towards you…frustration, guilt. Occurences where the very thought of you made me want to give up. Periods of my life where you were this detached version of who I was–it was you versus me.
I’m here to say a few things.
First of all, I’m sorry. I’m sorry I filled you with so many cans of Four Loko and didn’t listen to Alex when she said not to step on the ice at the Rockville Metro Station. I’m sorry for standing in front of a mirror and grabbing flaws, screaming at you and being a drama queen about our issues. I’m sorry I wore heels in the dead of winter and I’m sorry I learned to ride a bike on asphalt first, not grass. I’m sorry for the scratches and bruises, for all the poor ingestion choices and forgetting to put on sunscreen. I’m sorry for watching Netflix on the couch instead of lacing up my sneakers. I’m sorry for talking shit about you with my friends, and I’m even more sorry for not listening to them when they said I had nothing to worry about. I’m sorry I’ve starved you in the sake of vanity, and I’m sorry I thought what other people thought of you was more important than what you needed. I’m sorry I wished for you to be different.
You have been more than a place to funnel cheeseburgers and insecurities. You are more than a reason to be unhappy. You are so much more than that.
You are how I hug the people the love. You help me express every emotion I have. You let me shimmy, drop it low, and do yoga poses that don’t seem humanly possible. You don’t give out–whether I’m running for miles or standing at the bar for an hour laughing with friends. You give me the dexterity to communicate, you give me the skills to move and glide.
So thank you. Thank you for never quitting on me, even when I tried to quit associating myself with you. Thank you for celebrating when we became healthy by becoming more svelte, more strong. Thank you for recuperating when we have had too much to drink or have sweat too much in a work-out. Thank you for enjoying the moments we spend with our loved ones through physical affection and touch. Thank you for being capable of performing in front of crowds of people, for holding a plank for 3 minutes straight, for hiking to the top of a mountain. Thank you for always being there–through tears and grief, through joy and love.
I am here to tell everyone you are my friend. You are not my enemy, you are not a hurdle I have to conquer. We are a team. I rely on you, and you give me strength. We are a unit. We are one.
Thank you again. To celebrate our union, let’s show a picture I never would have dared to share years ago, and now has become one of my favorite pictures of myself. A photo representing how far we have come.
All my love,