I sit here in my “North Carolinians for Hillary” t-shirt and my tear-stained face and I wonder how it ended up this way.
I began my evening with a bottle of champagne and all the hope that I would be celebrating the first female President tonight. Instead, I’m mildly tipsy (but far too sober) and feeling like the world is crumbling around me.
Ever since I moved to Asheville, NC, I’ve been told we live in a bubble. I’ve seen this bubble expand and grow, welcoming folks from all across the country to ogle at all of us weirdos in the mountains. They drink our beer, they ride our purple buses, they make sure the only economy in my town comes from their tourism.
And what do they fucking do? They fucking elect a fucking monster to be my President.
I was 20 years old when Obama was elected into office. I sat cross-legged and starry-eyed, thrilled for what this meant for my country in my tiny apartment in Boone. My roommate and I toasted cheap wine and relished what this would mean for our country.
Eight years later, and I’m heartbroken by the whitelash having a qualified, successful black President has had on this country.
I’ve been a Hillary fan since I was little. Although I cast my primary vote for Obama in their heated race, it was a difficult choice for me. When she announced her presidential candidacy run in 2015, my boss at the time came into the office elated. “Aren’t you excited?”, he beamed.
And I was.
I was quiet about my support at first, but the more I saw people denounce her, the more I was electrified. As someone who has studied politics for over half her life, I knew the facts. I knew the myths. I knew I wanted her to be my President.
Fast forward to this evening. I’m half a bottle of champagne and two whiskey sodas deep and I’m feeling numb, but definitely not from the alcohol.
I can’t stop thinking about my LGBTQ friends and family–the ones who have endured so many challenges to their own basic human rights.
I think of my friends of color, people who deserve equality and their own movement, the chance to scream BLACK. LIVES. MATTER. and are silenced by those who think they know better because they are white and have never known oppression.
I think of immigrants and Muslims, children and families torn apart by the threat of deportation and unjust searches.
And then, for a long time, all I can think about are women. The fact that the person selected to be our President was recorded saying sexual assault was ok. The fact that the person selected to be our President has called women fat, ugly, stupid, and more. The fact that the person selected to be our President has perpetuated BLATANT FUCKING LIES about abortion and the pro-choice movement.
And you all think he is best to run our country?
Let me let you in on a few key facts about me.
I am a Jewish woman raised in a poor, rural mountain town of North Carolina where there are people living in extreme poverty or homelessness. I was teased relentlessly by white men and women proclaiming to be good Christians. I lived in Washington, D.C. and canvassed on those dirty streets asking for people to protect non-profits like Planned Parenthood and Save the Children. I have student loan debt. I work in a predominantly male field. Although I am fortunate beyond measure, that doesn’t mean I don’t recognize the serious injustices happening to those around me. I get my healthcare from Planned Parenthood. I’ve never had an abortion but if I needed one, I would get one. And if you needed one? I’d support your choice. I’ve supported gay rights virtually my entire life. I’ve been called bossy, outspoken, a bitch, loud-mouthed, “too much”, and aggressive–and those are just the things I’ve been called to my face. I have been yelled at for being a feminist, I’ve been defriended on social media accounts for supporting Black Lives Matter, I’ve run out of topics to discuss with estranged family members because they can’t comprehend how any good Southern woman could support Hillary Clinton.
And you know what? Just because this asshole won? That doesn’t mean any fucking bit of that information about me will change.
I’m not drinking any more this evening, but if I did I’d raise a glass. I want to toast people of color, Muslims, immigrants, the disabled, the LGBTQ community, the military, and especially women–we may not have won this fight, but we are still in the battle.
And I’m still on your side.
Fuck your Trump and third party votes. I’m not going anywhere.